Momentum Deferred


 “Momentum can be deferred, but it must always be paid back in full. As I always said to Walter, physics is a bitch.” – William Bell

Fringe fans will know what I’m referring too. I’ve had the most exhausting week. What else is new? So at the beginning of what already looks to be yet another exhausting week I speak about movement, about momentum, about the price that always must be paid.


Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotamayor on Equal Marriage asked:

Outside of the marriage context, can you think of any other rational basis, reason, for a state using sexual orientation as a factor in denying homosexuals benefits? Or imposing burdens on them? Is there any other decision-making that the government could make — denying them a job, not granting them benefits of some sort, any other decision?

Charles Cooper, the attorney arguing against gay marriage for the state of California, struggled to find a response.

“Your Honor, I cannot,” Cooper said. “I, I do not have, uh, uh, any, uh, anything to offer you in that regard.”


So too do I ask that same question when it comes to race and gender.

The answer, if the questioner is being truthful like that attorney finally was is usually the same. “I cannot“.

“Because they are gay!” Doesn’t fly.

“Because they are Black!” Negatory liftoff.

“Because they are women!” No flight here either.

I could go on, but you see what Justice Sotamayor was getting at. You can see what I’m getting at.


Small minds are those that can only seek equality when it uplifts and benefits themselves, but when it comes to the equality of others, cannot fathom it.

Many times for people of color, men of color specifically, there is not much you can hold on to in this world. I understand that and acknowledge that reality – but never in detriment to my own freedom or to silence my own voice.

So many hang on to male privilege because that is sometimes the only power left that they can wield.

Narrow viewpoint if you ask me.

How you cannot broaden your vision to see what amazing things can occur if you stride side by side into the fray with your Dark Sisters?

How you cannot see the Hurt, the Oppression you are continuing and how you are becoming one and the same as the Masters who Hurt and Oppress you?

The price you pay is the lives of your daughters and mothers, sisters and wives. Is it worth it? How tall and amazing you are! How powerful! How wonderful you are

Standing there on our necks, all alone now.


I give the respect of listening. I give the respect of my time, I give the respect of seeking out your point of view. I may understand it. I may not condone it. I may choose to turn away and concentrate on my life, and to team up with others who are not so small of vision, not so lacking in heart and compassion.

Look inside your heart.

That is my last message. The rest of my focus and energy goes towards those who understand what equality truly is. Who know that they cannot live a good and just life if women and girls have no voices, have no equal footing.

It is a simple thing for one human being to look at another and see the same light shining from within. If that one simple thing is beyond your ken then I must move on because that is your issue and there is nothing that I or anyone else can do to solve it.


What if everywhere you turn you are told you are less than, that you are not even human? That you are told these things based on two things that you cannot change?

The color of your skin and your gender identity?

Am I to praise someone who can only support one of those things and not the other? Why?

I don’t give out cookies for people who are decent human beings.

I certainly don’t give out cookies for those who can only make it half way there.

Moving On.


Just because you do not see it happening in your life, or in your everyday surroundings, or in your realm of existence:

Does not mean it is not happening.

And even so. When confronted with something outside of your sphere of experience or existence you bring things to bear to try and understand it.

I have no idea what it is like for a LGBT person. But I tell you what. I can look to my own personal experiences with pain, bigotry, oppression and erasure and develop at the very least a level of empathy for that person.

I may not know the history of someone else’s journey. But I can sure go on ahead and do some personal research and find out. I would never simply dismiss someone else’s struggle because I don’t see it happening in my immediate surroundings.

There is something inside of me that calls out to others that have been through the grinder of life. A huge chunk of of my humanity would be missing if it was otherwise.

What happens when you try to hold someone down, keep them back, deny them justice, oppress them? Well they fight back. Circumstances my differ, but they always push back, if even only in their mind, their last bastion of self and privacy and survival.

I will not suffer fools lightly. And by fools I mean those who think that because I am female, that I am a woman that I am unequal. I have no time for you. You are part of the problem, and getting in the way of solutions, so I go around you, I bypass you, I keep it stepping and move on.

My momentum keeps getting deferred. It only makes the snap back that much more lethal. And there always IS a snap back because it must always be paid back in full and yes physics IS a bitch and she’s Wide Awake.


I may not ever fully understand the fear that is behind people who insist that my gender is unequal. I can only go by my understanding of the fear that is behind racism. I think it comes from the same place.
Funny thing is, those racists will lose nothing if they suddenly view POC as equals and act accordingly. So too do men and males lose not one thing if they see women and females as equal.
This fear of loss. This fear that somehow they will be diminished… Is it a human thing? Must someone always be subjugated, owned? Will “civilization” crumble if we all walked together side by side? 

About Awake BW

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1 Response to Momentum Deferred

  1. revmatthews says:

    Powerfully written, although it begats a question: if the ” rest of my focus and energy goes towards those who understand what equality truly is…”, are you really teaching, if all the class agrees with you?
    As one man said, ““To leave a man’s ego bigger, retweet him. To leave his faculty of reasoning better, challenge his tweet…”

    I play devil’s advocate in my comments to blogs in order to squeeze the juice of restrained thought. Many blogs I run across have a “rah-rah” mentality which encourages agreement instead of polite clash of ideals. As Carl Henegan once said, “We are all born with infinite wisdom at our fingertips. All you have to do is approach every disagreement, debate, and alternative view of your core beliefs with the sincere and soul honest desire of being proved partially or completely incorrect.”

    As a Christian pastor, I have to admit something…no, wait, the word “admit” implies guilt.
    Let me “declare” something instead. In my non-belief in SSM, I am handcuffed by the fact that approximately 60% of Christian marriages end in divorce. I tell my congregation that until we clean our own house, we should keep quiet about others.

    A totally off-subject question: in your “About Awake BW
    Black Celibate Buddhist Nun Insomniac Wordsmith iDance Francophile, etc…” section, have you ever blogged on how you came to those differing viewpoints? Or done an autobiographical post? I think that would be very interesting.

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