I’m writing this because of a lot of tweets I’ve been seeing flowing down my Twitter TL have me pretty pissed off. They relate to Of Course the so-called holiday looming on the near horizon called Valentine’s Day.
This is one of those manufactured “holidays” that I absolutely detest. Because I’ve seen that it can do a lot of harm. More harm than good? I don’t know, but if you want my honest answer: YES. I believe it does.
I’m already witnessing emotional harm being caused if what I’ve been reading on twitter is any indication. It makes me angry and it makes me sad. Sad and angry to see the brainwashing that has occurred. Angry and sad to see people being emotionally affected over some absolute and complete bullshit that is nothing more than a figment, a fabrication, an illusion and a lie.
The positive things that can happen are that people get to celebrate their love and do smooshy romantic things with and for their significant others, life partners etc.
But what in the world is stopping you from doing that very same thing at any moment and/or on any other day of the year? See that’s where I start to call shenanigans. If you aren’t already nurturing a climate of celebration, romance, expressing your love in your current relationship, why then all this outpouring on this one particular day?
Outpour on me every day. Stick a goofy love note in my briefcase. Call me at work and say something sessy in my ear. Surprise me with a fully cooked dinner when I get home. Rub my feet and draw me a hot bath. Send a bouquet of flowers. Take me out to dinner at that restaurant I’ve always wanted to check out. Whisk me off on a whirlwind weekend getaway. Do something personal, romantic and fun that doesn’t have to cost a penny. Be thoughtful, loving and kind.
Why do you have to wait to do any or all of those things on only one dang day of the year and maybe on my birthday or our anniversary? The best relationships I’ve been in have been when it has been a wonderful give and take of romance and fun often and just whenever the mood strikes.
When I get into a serious relationship, you can bet my significant other knows exactly how I feel about VD. And I use those initials On Purpose because when I was coming up, VD was short for Venereal Disease – you know STDs – Sexually Transmitted Diseases – I have no idea what they are calling them knowadays. But to me VD is a Diseased Day and puts a lot of Unnecessary Pressure on people, both boo’d up and single.
Pressure that can lead to all sorts of wonderful things. These are all examples that I have seen happen to friends, family members, coworkers all because of stuff that went down, or didn’t go down, expectations, and pressures from this “romantic” “holiday” Valentine’s Day:
1. Break up. Sometimes leading to divorce I kid you not and don’t act like you haven’t seen events surrounding VD becoming a huge factor in relationship stress.
2. Domestic violence and abuse. Just another trigger holiday to add to your list of things to be hyper-aware about if you are trapped in the misery of an abusive relationship.
3. Speaking of triggers: Depression, anger, anxiety, cycling between emotional highs and lows and yes I’ll say it: suicide. Don’t act like you don’t know.
People act like “Being Single On Valentine’s Day” is some sort of horrible thing THAT MUST NOT HAPPEN AT ALL COSTS.
I’ve been single on Valentine’s Day lotsa times. I’m still here. I will be single on VD this Friday. I’ll still be here on Saturday.
Have I reaped the benefits of the good things that can happen on VD? Oh you betcha! Bouquets of roses, jewelry, romantic dinners, gifts and gifties, cards and romance and mind blowing sex that sets fire to the universe, curls my afro and tingles my toes. Lotsa fun times.
But I’ve also experienced those things on any of the other 364 days of the year.
If you are unhappy because you are not in a relationship, let it be that way in general. But not because you aren’t with someone on VD. Don’t succumb to all the brainwashy pressure that is everywhere.
I love being single. I’ve loved it when I was younger and I’m still ok with it now. I also love it when I’ve been boo’d up with someone who’s funny, fun, romantic and awesome. I love my life and I love living it. The parts I don’t like, I work on to make them better.
But I don’t hinge my happiness or unhappiness on some made up holiday that seeks to stigmatize people who don’t play along, and causes harm. Nope. Not going out that way.
Single on February 14th. So the fuck what.
I know it’s hard to not feel some kind of something as mid-February comes closer and closer. Little while ago I went grocery shopping and I thought St. Valentine had barfed up all over the store. It really was too much. Still 4-5 days out and there was all sorts of crap from balloons, candy, chocolates, stuffed animals, cupcakes, whole cakes, cards, booze and I don’t know what all else strewn all over store.
Sista was just trynta get some dinner fixings and the assault on the senses was overwhelming. And this was just a grocery store. Retailers all over the place are trying to cash in by playing on your emotions and ratcheting up the pressure.
Don’t let them win.
I’m sure our economy could use the boost but not at the cost of stressing out it’s citizenry.
That’s the other part of why this “holiday” rubs me the wrong way. Like Christmas, it has been packaged up and promoted to within an inch of it’s life.
The message is clear:
If you love her/him you will buy this, this and this for them.
S/he will think you don’t love her/him if you don’t spend all this money.
You must not really love her/him that much if you forget/ignore/don’t celebrate/do anything on Valentine’s Day.
Since when does love come with a price tag? Since VD became one be giant commercial, retail and profit opportunity.
Lastly, be safe out there. Protect yourself. Ignore the pressures as best you can. Enjoy the “holiday” if you want to celebrate it, but don’t let it dictate your relationship, your love.
And please please please stop tweeting all that “lonely hearts” stuff. PLEASE JUST STOP.
Why are you holding yourself emotionally hostage to an illusion? Let go. Free yourself.
To me, February 14th is just any other day. But if you need help with counteracting the brainwashing effects here’s some stuff you can do:
Pamper yourself. Take some “Me Time”. Curl up with your favorite book(s). Stock up on some kick ass movies and marathon em with your favorite snacks. Revel in a delicious bubble bath with candles and your favorite music playing. Form a posse with a bunch of your other single friends and go out to the movies, a club, an event. Have Some Fun.
Single does not equal alone or lonely.
VD is just a day on the calendar.
Recommended: Romeow and Juliet.