Abolish The Police

 

I sit here on this day of celebration with a broken heart and a body filled to the brim with helpless rage. We might not be slaves anymore but we are by no means free. As my mind buzzes and seethes beneath its layer of medicated calmness I try to Self Care; to make sure I don’t have a breakdown. So I write. This post might be therapy for me, but it may also serve as a clarion call for Change. For a nation that is simultaneously broken and working just as it was meant to work. Universe, give me the strength to make it through, for I am in dire peril as my country burns from within and our communities run with the blood of our Mothers, Daughters, Sons & Fathers.

A few months ago I had a short conversation with someone on Twitter. I had been interested since Ferguson in exploring the idea of police reform. I’ve since given up on that notion, and I had been tweeting out #Abolish and #Dismantle hashtags on the latest travesties of what masquerades for law enforcement and justice in this country. A follower asked a question that I had been thinking on for about a year:

What does not having police look like?

I still find even after 4 years (yes, today is my 4th Twitterversary too) that I still have difficulty speaking on complex subjects within the confines of that platform, but we did exchange ideas on the subject, briefly. Mostly, I don’t know what that looks like. But I can tell you what it sounds like to me: Freedom. Freedom from senseless murder of our children. Freedom from having our families torn asunder. Freedom to prosper and grow and live our lives without the specter of death just only a phone call away. Freedom from having to watch murder after murderer walk free with no hope of justice. Something I might tackle in another post – the judicial system – but for today I’ll leave you with a question: Why are we the only developing nation that still uses a “Grand Jury” (used heavily to non-indict police officers in extra-judicial murder of Black people)?

https://twitter.com/TheShanelleM/status/876512051245363200

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Dreaming about what that might be like is one thing. To sit down and think it through is another. What I can tell you right now, the police – departments, individual officers, law enforcement as a whole – are basically useless when it comes to the Black community & Black people as individuals. They are a murder machine. They protect no one. They only serve themselves. They are the Ku Klux Klan in blue uniform. They are the modern day Paterollers. (See Oakland PD “Rough Riders“).

Interesting that in almost all the articles on the “Riders” they are called “rogue” or “renegade”. The behaviors of that group of officers is not outlier. And it certainly wasn’t unknown to those in the department, from the top down. Their behavior by default had to have been condoned. The only reason they ended up being brought to task was due to a rookie police officer, new to the department, reporting them and kicking up a fuss.

Your surprised face when I tell you that subsequent reforms for Oakland PD flopped, the Riders were acquitted of all charges and ex-officer Frank “Choker” Vasquez (lovely nickname!) is still on the lam, he fled the country rather than face charges for his misconduct.

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What are we supposed to do when the side by side actions of the police are so disparate? Hours long standoffs – sometimes months when it comes to white suspects. Watching police work like a well-oiled machine to bring a white suspect into custody alive. They are never murdered while handcuffed inside a police vehicle. Oops I mean committed suicide. They are never lynched in their jail cells – they always manage to make it their wrist-slapping court dates. Oops I mean committed suicide.

 

Charleena Lyles is dead. Murdered by Seattle police yesterday. Her crime? She called the police to report that her home had been burgled. They showed up and shot her in front of her three children. What are we supposed to do when the very people we are supposed to call to help us are our murderers. Why do we not get to rely on the system that is supposed to protect and serve? Again, I say, they are USELESS.

Imagine if you had to think twice, before calling for help. A Black family called for help, they lived in an upper apartment. A family member, a Black woman came down to hold open the security door at the ground floor to let the police officers in. Did they tip their hats and say “Thank you ma’am” as they entered and went upstairs to help? No they shot and killed her. Also, no charges brought for the officers that murdered Korryn Gaines as she held her son.

The list goes on and on in a never ending stream of murder and mayhem with no accountability on top of it all. How are Black people supposed to live under these conditions? When there’s nobody to call for help. Well maybe there is. Maybe we have to find ways to help ourselves.

https://twitter.com/MindSexGuru/status/876608987638231040

https://twitter.com/OsopePatrisse/status/876609287358894080

Black People: don’t ever call police. They will come to “help” you, kill you & say it’s your fault for being near them. They’re shameless.

— Mx. Amadi Lovelace Has Left This Place (@amaditalks) June 18, 2017

Again to the question of what that might look like. Setting up local hotlines – like suicide prevention hotlines or behavioral health warm lines – so that we can come to the aid of our fellow community members and solve problems ourselves. When the alternative is almost certain death: What would you do?

It is a possibility. I don’t know what setting up a 24/7 hot or warm line entails. I did a quick Google search and it seems the suicide prevention hotline model would be the place to start. You can read up on that HERE or do your own more in depth search/research. I’m mentally ill and my impairments are behavioral and I get side effects from that and my meds that manifest in my physical body. I am on disability. I can only do so much with just me what little resources I have at hand. So the idea of setting up, running, maintaining something like this is daunting.

But it IS possible. It is something to think about. Just like how we set up The Negro Motorist Green Book (1936- 1966), we can do this too. Excerpt:

African-American travelers faced hardships such as white-owned businesses refusing to serve them or repair their vehicles, being refused accommodation or food by white-owned hotels, and threats of physical violence and forcible expulsion from whites-only “sundown towns“. Victor Hugo Green founded and published the Green Book to avoid such problems.

The Black Panther Party protected the Black community In Oakland back in the day. Saw to the communities needs in safety, health and education, when the powers that be ignored us and allowed us to be preyed upon. We have 100s of groups and orgs nationwide that maybe we could bring to bear to make this happen. I’m in despair right now and I don’t know what to do. But I know that I’m desperately tired of being at the mercy of these lazy, lying, criminal, murdering cops.

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We have gathered in coalition to help save ourselves and we can do it again. Maybe I’m not the one to lead on this. I know there are so many out there who can. Even more out there like me who can and will do everything we can to support. I don’t have any answers. I have thoughts, suggestions, ideas.

All I know is that something MUST be done and now here comes the hard part. We as Black people simply cannot do this alone. Whatever the “this” ends up being. Otherwise we would have ended the murdering already. It is going to take white people to become as angry and use your considerable numbers, power, influence, platforms, privilege and voices to get this done. That is the basic bear bones reality of the matter.

If you need to have a place to start I suggest looking into Safety Pin Box. It will help you be more effective in your support of groups and individuals in the Black community when you gather in coalition to take action. They will give you the tools you’re going to need. It is going to take work, and you will have to challenge yourself time and time again, but I know you can do it.

The other bare bones reality of the matter is, this will end up on your doorstep eventually. In some cases it already has. Take the incident of white teen Zachary Hammond who was murdered by police. This article’s headline asks a very important question: A White Kid Was Killed By A Cop And No On Took To The Streets. Is That A Problem?

I remember this case because I only heard about what had happened to Zachary from Twitter via the Black activists I follow including members/founders of the Black Lives Matter org; Who btw were blamed by Zachary’s family lawyer for not caring about him and doing nothing ie that taking to the streets thing and hashtagging Zachary’s name.

Interesting that an organization that has been fighting for Black families when nobody else even CARED hence the name of the org, gets blamed for lack of response. WHERE WERE ALL THE OUTRAGED WHITE PEOPLE??? And really, why is always up to Black people? We were out there marching and kicking up a fuss for our own – where were YOU when it came time to march for yours? There are most likely a lot more Zacharys out there, but hey they probably didn’t even make the funny pages because… well maybe that’s something for the white community to look at and delve into as they do this Work.

Btw, no charges brought for the officer who murdered Zachary. Maybe now is the time to get practiced in civil disobedience, activism, and coalition building.

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Where do I go from here? Because at the end of the day this post was written as means to help me hold onto my health and not end up hospitalized. I’m on my emergency meds as it is because this is every day and cumulative and as I stated before I’m in a helpless rage and my heart is broken.

I can keep writing through this block that chokes my thoughts and words and renders me near comatose because I don’t know what else to do. I don’t have the luxury of feeling everything I feel because I need those medications in order to function. They dampen me, but like a local anesthetic shot, the pain is still there in my body even if I can’t feel it directly. And its taking a toll on my Mind Body & Spirit.

Police, police departments, police officers are useless to us. They bring harm and death. They don’t help. They get away with murder. We have to find ways to help ourselves. We are all we’ve got right now.

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I usually put parting words or thoughts here at the end of my posts. Its tradition. However on this Juneteenth day of celebration, I got nothing. Perhaps a poem?

The weight on my heart pretends to be a function

So used to it I barely notice as it re-shatters

I pull myself together, I hope again and live

It sits there waiting for the coalescing to finish

Then it breaks again forming new fissures

How resilient this organ! When I only wish

It would stay in pieces and give me a moments respite

A peace. Time to breathe. Let me stand among the shards

And not make haste to rebuild.

Let me Be.

Why Twitter Coddles Nazis

There’s been a disturbing trend of late out in these Twitter streets. Ongoing I should say. The perpetrators have changed (slightly) but the victims, Black women, remain the same. Oh the stories I could tell of the years of abuse that several of the Black women I follow – and countless others that I don’t – have endured on that platform.

Twitter has done little to nothing to alleviate the doxxing, abuse, rape & death threats and harassment that these women go through on the daily. I’ve heard tell that third party platforms have helped alleviate and/or manage the problem, but it remains a public shame that Jack and crew have not been leaders in this on their own platform.

This fatal error is one that many of his ilk have made, make and will continue to make begins when putting together a social media platform that millions will eventually use. They are largely affluent white males who have no experience with the levels of hate, vitriol and abuse that is heaped on those who are not white males.

So whatever types of TOS or tools to report or block harassment that end up integrated into their platforms are woefully unprepared to deal with the reality that is for many of us online. And frankly, when they are told by users over and over and over again for years on end – I think they don’t actually believe it. Or don’t care about a demographic that might not be the majority of their users, so the problems continue to pile up exponentially.

Interesting that a few months ago two major articles appeared in two major outlets on the same day – or the same week, I forget – pretty much ridiculing Twitter and Jack because their platform’s reputation was in the toilet. What Youtube comment sections used to be like times 1000. That this was the main reason he would continue to be unsuccessful in selling Twitter off to the highest bidder. Why nobody wants to purchase this cesspool.

Trust and believe that’s the modus operandi. Create platform, boost users, become ubiquitous, sell at a profit, move on to the next one; rinse and repeat. I figured that those articles which bounced around the world and back would be the thing that finally galvanized Jack et al into action.

But of course no. Because of one other key thing I suspect is happening. I’m going to assume that Jack answers to a Board of Directors, many of whom have a vested interest in the success (and eventual sale) in Twitter. This is yet another pitfall that many fall prey too.

The BoD is told that “buzz” or “activity” esp New User Account Creation is a mark of a successful platform and is the telltale sign of GROWTH. It looks really great on paper, but the reality is quite sickening and sad. I’ll use an amalgam of experiences to illustrate what I mean.

For over 5 years there’s been this one guy (white, male) who creates about 10-20 new accounts a day – we callem sock puppets. He’s a whole industry all by himself. He uses these accounts to harass this certain Black woman who used to wake up every morning to her mentions full of posts like

“you ni**er bitch, you black bitch, fuck you ni**er whore, I will rape you dead” etc

She was able to utilize those aforementioned 3rd party platforms to not have to see about 95% of those posts, but some still always got through. Back in the early days of Twitter you had to manually block each account. hence the creating of another account to tweet out the same sludge, get blocked, and repeat.

Now multiply that one guy by 100 or 100,000 – millions? They make Twitter look “buzzy” and “active” and keep New User Account Creation at a continuous high. Now why on EARTH would the creators of a platform want to get rid of THOSE guys – especially since they’ve told the Board that the type of activity those accounts generate are the Markers For Success?

The incentive is low, to put it mildly.

Fast forward to today, where the trend is for Nazis – yes actual Nazis, I’m so sorry – to start in the places they gather (reddit and so on) and target Black women on twitter and do mass complaints against those accounts when they fight back – and guess what the end result is?

The Black women and other marginalized people who are being targeted in this fashion end up having their accounts blocked from Twitter. The writing was on the wall when Twitter basically sanctioned Nazi’s and white supremacist accounts by granting them blue check marks ie allowing them to have verified accounts.

Sometimes the victim will have her own verified account, but because the system of reporting and banning seems to be AUTOMATED? – when you have 100s of sock puppet accounts being egged on by a verified Nazi – the system seems to go by numbers? And will assume if an account is getting so many complaints (whatever the magic number is, is anyone’s guess) they MUST be the bad guys and boom – account banned.

I’ve seen little to no recourse when people are tweeting on some adjacent account they have, or (adding to the metrics) are forced to created a new account to implore Support to have their main account reinstated. The process is either very very slow, or I have not seen any of the recent dozen or so that have been brought to my attention getting their accounts back.

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The sad thing is, I’ve been through this whole thing before. I spent years duking it out with the powers that be – Linden Lab, the creators of the Second Life virtual world platform – on these very same issues. The creator and subsequent CEO’s (they’ve had many) all fell into the same traps. I was always fighting a losing battle, because the harassers were deemed the “money makers” due to their “activity” and there seemed little interest in quality of content vs the rising numbers of New User Accounts on a graph.

I wrote this open letter three years ago. If you want to get even just a glimpse of the kinds of endless crap I was dealing with over there. I was reluctant to link myself to my Second Life account, but you know what, I’m TIRED and I really don’t care anymore and I haven’t logged into there in over 8 months anyway. Enjoy the nostalgia of a Live Journal blog – that’s the only niceness you’ll get if you read that post.

And that was NOTHING really, if I want to keep it 100, in comparison to what so many Black women and other marginalized users have gone through with Twitter. Don’t hold your breath, because that paradigm shift that will be needed to address this acute problem will not ever happen anytime soon if ever.

So Twitter will continue to be a toxic place for far too many & the Nazis and abusers will continue to reign supreme. And still we Rise because for now, Twitter is a platform where we who have not had a voice, are able to speak on the things that matter to us in this world – and be heard. Somebody please make a viable contender so we can ditch this platform and thrive in peace over there instead. In the meantime

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Jack and his “Stay Woke” tee-shirts can go fuck himself.

UPDATE: Twitter didn’t add any new users last quarter, and the stock is diving.

Gee, I wonder why…

 

A Sensation of Black Women

Yesterday I created the collective noun for Black women while quote-replying to an awesome tweet. Check it out:

LOTS of Black women. Not just one or two. Hire a sensation of Black women. https://t.co/rGCAmhL0is

— Awake Black Woman (@AwakeBlackWoman) April 22, 2017

I have no idea if we’ve been collective noun’d before and if so, what was the word chosen, but I think mine is pretty awesome!

A Sensation of Black Women

Here’s a a few from This List Of Collective Names For People:

A lying of pardoners, a misbelief of painters, a superfluity of nuns (my fave, of course from that list lol!)

Just when I’d decided to do stream of consciousness and/or news snippets from my life type of posts – designed to keep me from losing this writer’s block battle I’m continuously fighting – along comes my gorgeous brain and here we are!

Since it’s my collective noun, I’ll set the rules. Where two Black women or more are gathered – doing ANYHING – you know, breathing etc. We are heretofore and henceforth deemed:

A Sensation.

My first thought since the original tweet was urging the media to hire Black women, I was thinking along the lines of 7-10 in one go. Imagine hundreds, thousands….. millions.

ehhh been there, done that ;p

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Two ways you can tip me every time you use the new collective noun and/or donate to my blog & to the awesome being that is ME so that I can keep on keeping on:

paypal.me/AwakeBW

and/or:

https://ko-fi.com/awakebw

Thanks! You’re amazing – now THAT’s how you spend ya disposable income. Support Black women All Day Every Day.

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The Bear and the Maiden Fair

The jig is so far up that it’s usually only Cosmonauts who get to see such rarefied views. It’s something that someone like me has peeped for a long while now, as pretty much the bulk of my blog posts can attest. But none of that matters to now. Because I’m opting out.

This is the first feeling I had watching the near end of Election 2016. A swimming metaphor. When you swim for a city team, like I did back in the day, there are invitationals. Swim meets you as a team get invited too. It’s all done on a point system; individuals efforts added together to make up a whole. Team with the highest points wins. Simple enough.

As a kid I learned to deal during the times when your team doesn’t win. I, naturally was one of the fastest swimmers on the team. You train and train and taper and train and break all your personal times and win all your races. You put in the work and and the time and the effort, but your team doesn’t end up winning. That’s how I felt initially.

Tired, spent, exhausted. Dispirited, feeling like all the efforts done over time were for pretty much nothing. Despite the voter suppression, intimidation, we showed up an showed out. There were some wins sprinkled in there, but the overall result: disappointing. Some people are afraid, angry, crying, going into crisis and all kinds of things. Pas moi tho. I’m doing what I do when the shit hits the fan.

I coalesce. I gather all the things that have fared me well in the past (I’m still here, aren’t I?) and I hold them close, and wrap them around me in a hard, strong, tough everlasting shell. I don’t know if that’s a healthy response, but I don’t care. I know what works. I hunker down, ride it out, execute Plan B-J and beyond as needed.

I don’t want to merely survive. I want to live. Most of you know that I’ve been talking about expatriating myself from this country. It’s been slow going for many reasons, mostly my illness. When moving to a whole other country one has to consider so many things. I have pets. I have certain healthcare needs. I am on disability – does the country of my choice allow for me to still receive my income? And so on. Daunting. But doable. So I’ve been going at my own pace.

Then along came Brexit and I had to reevaluate, since Scotland had been at the top of my short list for awhile. Now I’m left to wonder about my disability payments and travel plans in the new era that’s about to kick in. Real talk I wouldn’t have been ready to ditch anywhere sooner than 2-3 years, so navigating that under this impending regime was factored in. (Remember, Plan B etc).

But I digress. Sorta. This post is therapy for me so really if you’ve made it this far, kudos. I’m prolly gonna keep rambling, ya been warned.

Opting out. What does that mean exactly? Nothing really exactly. But since I’d already opted out of a lot of certain things, there’s not too many left. Mostly, I’m done working for anyone else but me. Oh sure, I know myself, I’ll slip up now and then, but for the most part I’ll stay my course. I’m a natural born Teacher and Helper so going against my nature has been difficult already. But I’ll manage.

See:

Message received and Trust & Believe I will be conducting myself accordingly.

— Awake Black Woman (@AwakeBlackWoman) November 9, 2016

White women, to the tune of 60%, voted for Trump. Those numbers indicate that it wasn’t all Republican women. Received 5×5: whiteness trumps gender. Now, on any given day, that’s been a “no duh” for me. But even I, who has done her best to not soil my eyes with audio or visuals of DT has seen and heard far too much. This is what I saw:

Misogynist. Sexist. Sexual Predator. Rapist. Child Molester. Pedophile. He brags on all of that. Has a court date in December regarding the rape of a 12 year old girl and a 13 year old girl. He is highly inappropriate with his daughters. Peep their body language around him. It might seem familiar to you, having had to duck and dodge hands and advances as you go about your daily life. He brags on his sexual assaults and speaks freely on his predatory practices. So much so, that for Oh So Many Of You the last straw was the thought of him grabbing your wife or sister or daughter’s pussy and then bragging to the world about it.

Except that wasn’t the last straw at all was it:

I will never forget this chart for as long as I live. pic.twitter.com/x6UaMZ1Ivz

— Echefulam Madubuike (@echemadubuike) November 9, 2016

Interesting to watch all the celebrations and white women so excited to put their I Voted stickers on Susan B. Anthony’s headstone and woo yayy. I’d say she’s rolling in her grave, but I think not. She was famously racist and used white supremacy as the basis to garner support for her suffrage. She wanted nothing so much as to be on equal footing as white men and was insulted to her very core that Black men had the vote before she did. Use Google. Learn if you don’t know.

So she’s prolly dancing a jig in her coffin as white women got in formation and aligned themselves with their white men. What about that 40% you might ask? What about them indeed. While you might have taken your own self to the polls and voted against a racist sexual predator, you did little to nothing to talk to those in your life who you knew where going to do the opposite.

You didn’t put the work in. You didn’t. In fact your numbers dropped from 2012 when you racked up 42% for Obama. Also speaks volumes. And I repeat: Message received.

Enjoy the world you have ushered in, you are ill prepared to survive it, ladies. Me, in my coalesced state will make it through, as I have before. It’ll be shitty and my Buddhist faith and Pacifism will be tested. I’d like nothing more than to scratch your collective eyes out, but I’m gonna maintain.

There’s a lot of talk in the Black twittersphere about “we got work to do”, and “we’ll continue to fight” and all that. Wonderful. Do you booboo. I’ve had the life sucked out of me these past few years, and I have little energy left over for anything more than making sure I’m gonna be ok.

Operation Selfish Bitch is underway. It’s also my birthday today so yay I get to do whatever the fuck I want. I’m stretching that sentiment out for 365 days. So hit me up next November 9th and we can have a conversation.

None of this will change anything much, however. I haven’t been doing a whole hell of a lot. During Ferguson October I symbolically handed over the torch of Fighting, Protest and Battle to the younger set. I’ve been doing the simple small things to help out when I can. So rolling back in those things isn’t gonna shatter the Earth.

But what it will do is make sure that I go on to live the life that I want to live. Wherever that might end up being. I may have to pare things down and look more locally: Since New Mexico was also on my short list. Basically, I have options. So many don’t and won’t as this real life Handmaid’s Tale starts to kick in. I count my Blessings.

I also remember Octavia E. Butler’s novels Parable of the Sower and Parable of the Talents. Should probably read up on those three books. It might help you in surviving what is to come. Some of you are probably laughing and shaking your head at my supposed hyperbole. Just like y’all laughed and shook your head at the notion that a reality television hack could ever make it past the primaries.

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Recommended: An Open Letter To White Liberal Feminists by Rhon Manigault-Bryant

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I’d tell you to Wake Up, but remember, I’m done Helping and Teaching. Lie on this bed you have made. I hope you choke on it actually. I leave you now with a little ditty that sprang to mind as I saw events unfolding last night. It’s a lil bit rapey. But hey, loud and clear: that bothers you not, right? So Enjoy.

The Bear and the Maiden Fair

A bear there was, a bear, a bear! all black and brown, and covered with hair.

The bear! The bear! Oh come they said, oh come to the fair!

The fair? Said he, but I’m a bear! All black and brown, and covered with hair!

And down the road from here to there. From here! To there!

Three boys, a goat and a dancing bear! They danced and spun, all the way to the fair!

The fair! The fair! Oh, sweet she was, and pure and fair!

The maid with honey in her hair! Her hair! Her hair!

The maid with honey in her hair! The bear smelled the scent on the summer air.

The bear! The bear! All black and brown and covered with hair!

He smelled the scent on the summer air! He sniffed and roared and smelled it there!

Honey on the summer air! Oh, I’m a maid, and I’m pure and fair!

I’ll never dance with a hairy bear! A bear! A bear!

I’ll never dance with a hairy bear! The bear, the bear!

Lifted her high into the air! The bear! The bear!

I called for a knight, but you’re a bear! A bear, a bear!

All black and brown and covered with hair. She kicked and wailed, the maid so fair,

But he licked the honey from her hair. Her hair! Her hair!

He licked the honey from her hair! Then she sighed and squealed and kicked the air!

My bear! She sang. My bear so fair! And off they went, from here to there,

The bear, the bear, and the maiden fair.

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*Use of “Cosmonaut” instead of “Astronaut” and imagery of a Russian bear: Totally on purpose. Wait and see! Hope you been brushing up on ya Cyrillic :)

If you don’t know, now you know; Russia: We Did Work With Team Trump During Campaign

UPDATE: In exactly one month to the day I wrote this post. Told Y’all.

Click Here For WaPo Article.

https://twitter.com/TwitterMoments/status/807430999491506176

The Aftermath

We lived in “The Valley”, he and I. Our neighbors thought we were married. But we weren’t. We used to get a giggle about that, him being gay and whatnot. Out walking my little Yorkie, enjoying the Southern California sunshine, arm in arm. He was my best friend and we loved each other, so I guess people sensed a closeness that went beyond “just roomies”.

Then the towers fell. Over there so far away and the phone calls to the East Coast family to make sure… I was lucky. So many were not. This story isn’t about that because it isn’t my story to tell. Because, as I said. I was lucky. We both were.

I want to tell you about this young man. Hard working, a man of Faith and Family. We got to know him on our daily walks, because we’d stop in now and then on the way back and get a Slurpee or some snacks or items of convenience. I’ll call him Vikram (not his real name) and we got to know him and his family who ran this local 7-11 franchise.

I knew they were Sikh; Vikram wore his turban with is long hair entwined inside and they were good people. He was a happy person, and had a great sense of humor and adored my little Yorkie. Good people. Hard working Americans. I loved their openness and we always felt welcome there. I mention that only because of the drama and static we’d get in many other places – stores, restaurants etc – when perceived to be a WM/BW “couple”. Welcome to California.

A scant few weeks after the events of September 11th, we stopped in and I froze in horror. Vikram was behind the counter as usual, but he was horribly transformed. His face was swollen and bruised. He had bandages covering cuts, and had some teeth knocked out. Gone was his turban and instead he wore a baseball cap.

We asked him what had happened, but even as the words left my lips, my heart was sinking. We knew, we knew… He had been working like he always was and a white male customer had attacked him. Flew across the counter, grabbing him, beating and kicking him. You know full well what this man was screaming at Vikram while he was hitting him, so I won’t repeat it here. I could tell from just the injuries that were visible, that had not a family member been there to get the guy off of him: He very well could have been beaten to death.

I didn’t want to cry, listening to him telling us of his ordeal, but I couldn’t help it. This man was changed in other ways as well. Gone was the happy light inside him. He was… different. I remember my best friend and I apologizing, and saying we were so sorry that his happened and what could we really say?

I was so ashamed of my fellow Americans. We had watched horrible things unfold in the aftermath. The anger, the hatred, the whipping up of emotions on nerves already worn raw with mourning and loss. We’d already seen people with turbans, “arabic clothing”, hijabs etc, being attacked in damn near every city across America. I had nothing. I was hollow and empty and weary.

At that time I worked and took classes at Cal State Northridge. About a 30 minute bike ride from our place. I’d bike past the Sikh temple and admire the brightly colored flags and ribbons fluttering around the archway entrance. All that was gone, however. Replaced with draped American flags and red white and blue ribbons. My heart clenched to see this. I wondered how many others, like Vikram, had experienced attacks and harm coming their way. Having to use patriotic bunting as a shield against hatred aimed at their place of worship.

Ignorance, bigotry, racism. It flowed across this country and we drowned in it and went to war and killed and killed innocent people who had nothing to do with any of this. This is my story. This is what I remember and will Never Forget. This is why I hide away (as best I can) every 9/11 when it rolls around.

I can’t abide the forced “patriotism”. I can’t abide the bullshit. I can’t take people making this day so Sacred, that normal activities that go on without mention on any other day of the year, take on this false sense of significance and are scrutinized, commented and remarked upon.

This day is already hard for so many, for they have to remember those they lost. How on earth could they ever forget?

The tune this country is playing right now was written in the ashes and the dust clouds of New York City 15 years ago.

I won’t dance to it. I won’t sing along.

So I send my Love and Support out to those trying to remember smiles now only featured on faded photographs. I send my Love and Light to those who have to go about their normal routine today and fear – however wittingly this time – what Vikram experienced.

So I hide here in the southern sunshine of a different State and I Pray and Think and Hope.

_________________________________________________________________

“Who wills,

can.

Who tries,

does.

Who loves,

lives.”

-Anne McCaffrey

Support The Team, Win The Game

Some of you out there are forgetting not only what’s at stake, but are also forgetting how to even play to win. I’ll be using all kinda sports metaphors in this post – most likely mixed in with my usual Words Of Wisdom and – so get your life. Buckle up, adjust your thinking caps, your reading chapeaus and get ready to take notes.

Because there WILL be a test on this come Tuesday, November 8th, 2016.

I’m not what you would call a “political person”. For example my twitter handle isn’t Democrat Diva or have my net avatar in spaces be some artistic version of the Obama Yes We Can logo. I don’t talk politics a lot. However. I AM a dyed in the wool Democrat. I’m Black. I’m a Woman. iVote. I show up every time and vote down the ENTIRE ticket, fill in the full ballot, flip that ish over and check to see if there’s stuff to vote for on the other side. What I’m saying is this:

I Participate. I show up for ALL the games. I support The Team.

I’m not going to get into too many specifics here, because really, what I’m talking about is the Big Picture. The Long Game. My Buddha Blessed FUTURE here. I ain’t got the time to squabble with people about stuff I know exactly what I’m gonna go do No Matter What anyways.

__________

Listen, I feel your pain. Rod of The Black Guy Who Tips Podcast (#TBGWT) felt our pain too, and conceived of this awesome concept: Meh The Vote. Basically, “… a political campaign to motivate people to vote in these 2016 party  primaries. This campaign is targeted at those in the electorate who feel dispassionate about any of the candidates they have to choose. from.”

I loved this idea, heck, I even bought the T-shirt.

But I’m getting a little ahead of myself.

What I’ve been seeing out there in these political streets is people stanning for their favorite player in quite often such horrible ways. From stalking, harassing, abusing and even becoming physically violent with anyone perceived to not be backing their fave.

It’s utterly appalling and I’m not here for that at all. In particular because what gets lost in all this hate and madness is what we are actually supposed to be doing here in the first place. I see a lot of Americans out there right now swearing up and down that if their candidate doesn’t make it to the big game, they simply won’t vote at all.

Which begs the question. Well a lot LOT of questions, really, but mainly this one:

Why Are You Here?

Are you here to make sure that the Democrats solidify their hold in all areas of the government from top to bottom? Or are you here to to just go to your fave’s rallies, come home and spend hours and hours trolling, harassing and jumping in the mentions of those – usually your fellow Democrats, usually Black women – spewing all sorts of filth from death threats to racist slurs….. I mean do you even KNOW how this works?

__________

I knew that this election was going to be a hot mess, and like so many of us – especially Black voters – I was not enamored of who my choices were going to be – still not, By The Way, lest you believe that I’m on Team Hillary or on Team Bernie.

Guess what team I’m on.

Team Democrat that’s who.

I’ll do what my people have done for decades: Supported the party that has for the most part been able to understand what our particular wants and needs are. We come in coalition with other similarly minded People Of Color and we ROCK THE GODDAM VOTE. Turnout among Black voters in this country has only risen since 2008, with Black Women demographic racking up the highest numbers.

We are the base of the Democratic Party and we stay loyal and we keep Our Eyes On The Prize. And if you don’t know, now you know:

“First of all, the number of black women who turn out to vote is higher than any other demographic group – 70% in 2012. That number has been rising since 1996, so it is more than a response to the candidacy of Barack Obama. And no group votes more consistently Democratic than black women.”

Also, for those that never click on my blog post links even though I so handily set them to open nicely in a separate tab:

“Black women represent a significant portion of the Rising American Electorate (RAE), an estimated 115 million eligible voters – and nearly half of the electorate – composed of unmarried women, people of color, and people under 30 years old.

Black women sit at the intersection of these groups, representing just over half of the 26.9 million eligible Black voters and 19% of all eligible unmarried women voters (Lake, Ulibarri, and Treptow 2013).

They also represent the most active and dependable contingent of the RAE, contributing to its growing influence and playing an essential role in building coalitions across RAE groups to influence electoral outcomes in future races.”

And yet… consistently we get people talking down to us. Calling us politically ignorant, that we vote the plantation (racist much?), aren’t politically savvy etc etc and this is from our fellow party members! White folks who call themselves progressives! Liberals!

Oh we been knowing – quite intimately – the problems with our party of choice, Trust & Believe: We Know. I could rattle out phrases like The Lesser Of Two Evils, or somesuch, but what it always comes down to is how we can best leverage our political power to help positively shape our lives for our people, our children and for America as a whole.

The Democrats have been our best bet so far to make those things happen.

Because it goes without saying – but I HAVE to say it in these days and these times that we live in: I’m also on Team America. We are citizens of this Earth. We are part of the Global Community. What happens in the hallways of Capital Hill and in the Oval Office affects what happens out there in the world.

I’m not saying this coming off of some Murrica So Great, We’re Number Wun steeze, No Ma’am. It is a reality. So many of you have forgotten the Huge Sigh Of Relief that went bouncing around the world in the form of headlines, blog posts, articles, TV segments, radio programs from countries all over this planet on the eve of Barack Obama’s win in 2008. I’ve never forgotten it.

___________

I told a little lie in the 2nd paragraph of this post. I said that I show up every time. Well, for the first time in YEARS I didn’t fill in my mail-in ballot when it arrived nice and early in my mailbox. Waiting there for me to make my choice in the Arizona Presidential Preference Election (March 22nd, 2016).

For the first time in over a decade, I was simply UNABLE to cast my vote. I tried SO damn hard to put my money where my mouth was and just MEH THAT DAMN VOTE. But I failed.

I can’t say why exactly that happened. Maybe I felt the weight of years of showing up while so many of you didn’t bother. Maybe I literally couldn’t decide between the offerings at hand. Maybe I wanted to take a time out and let y’all do the work for a change. Not Sure.

Maybe because I knew then, just as I know now: That whoever ends up being the Democrat Candidate for President of the United States I’m going to Vote For Whoever That Person Is No Matter What.

So I guess I left that choice to those who DID manage to Meh themselves to the voting booths or fill in and mail back their ballots. Knowing that I know myself well. I know that I will Do My Duty as a Team Player and get it Handled.

Because I will.

It will probably be easier for me than for those that backed, and stanned for and proselytized with so much zealotry their player, who might not now be the one up there for you to vote for…..

I dunno.

But what I DO know is that you need to get over yourselves, look a the Entire Picture, know what’s at stake for your family, this country and simply Support Your TEAM. You sit this one out over some pettiness or anger that your player didn’t make it to the big game… Well I got nothin.

GROW UP.

Support The Team, Win The Game

_______________________________________________________________

More stats from that Very Interesting Washington Monthly article:

“And no group votes more consistently Democratic than black women. Here are the figures since 1992:

1992 Bill Clinton – 87%
1996 Bill Clinton – 89%
2000 Al Gore – 94%
2004 John Kerry – 90%
2008 Barack Obama – 96%
2012 Barack Obama – 96%

As a comparison, in the above elections no Democratic candidate got more than 48% of the vote from white women.”

 

 

Criminal Cops

Here’s the deal.

I’ve decided to stop using the phrases: “Dirty Cops” or “Bad Cops” or anything along those lines. And I’ll tell you why.

The opposite of dirty is clean. Toss those dirty clothes into the washing machine and you’re good to go. Scrub that dirty spot on your carpet and voila! Toss some Mr. Clean on that sumbitch or Swiffer up that spill and you’re golden. Dirt isn’t that much of a huge big deal. It’s almost benign.

Same goes for bad. Something you say to your dog in a stern voice when he piddles on the rug. “Bad dog! No, no, BAD!” Also, let’s not forget the glamorization of the “bad boy”, or how you use the word bad for things that are mildly unpleasant and you bust the Thesaurus out when ish gets: horrible, awful, unbearable.

Dirty can be cleaned up rather easily in most cases. Bad can be trained to be good.

But we’re talking about cowardly, murdering, lying, CRIMINALS here.

People that are supposed to not only be protecting and serving us, upholding the law, enforcing the law, are breaking the law, lying about it and hiding behind and within a system that protects them from punishment.

They aren’t even doing their jobs. They have no idea WHAT their jobs even are at this point. If you don’t know what I mean take a look at the NYPD. Take a look at the Fraternal Order of Police – anywhere across this nation.

During the months after Mike Brown’s murder in Ferguson, I did some research on job descriptions for police officers in America. I took a sampling from PDs on East & West coasts, North and South and the Midwest states. Murdering civilians wasn’t featured on any of the job duties I studied.

Judge, Jury & Executioner 

That’s what they think they are, and when we call them on it and simply ask them to

STOP KILLING US

They throw hissy fits and childish tantrums

MEANWHILE

We’re still dying in the streets. Being MURDERED.

And if/when we manage to make into custody ALIVE we are found murdered in the squad car, the jail cell, the transport van.

So no, you are not a dirty cop or a bad cop. You are a fucking CRIMINAL and should be put UNDER THE FUCKING JAIL for your offences against the law and humanity in general.

We live in a society that puts those who know the law, uphold it and enforce it: above the law and seemingly not subject to it the same way we the everyday citizens of this country are. IT SHOULD BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

Because they know the law, are trained (supposedly) in how to protect and serve, enforce the law: They Should Be Held To Even MORE Stringent Standards! So when they break the law, they should get the whole book thrown at them, because their crimes are so much more heinous…considering who they are supposed to be and what they are supposed to be doing.

______________

At this time I’d like to call out all the “Good Cops” I keep hearing about. You know #NotAllPolice are criminals. Really? Where the fuck ARE you? What’s the definition of a good cop? A police officer that manages to NOT kill a Black person whilst going about their daily duties? At this point, if that’s all you’re managing to do: YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM.

You need to stand up, shut down your fellow officers who are breaking the law. You need to be actively making a stand. Speak out. CLEAN HOUSE. Get rid of ALL those “bad apples” that are “ruining your bunch”. Step up like THIS officer did:

You might get fired. Lose your pension. You might even get punched in the face like Officer Cariol Horne did. But so the fuck what. You’ve stood by for DECADES and now this is what you’re up against because you let it ride and were A-OK just as long as you could look family and friends in the eye knowing that you aren’t like those “other officers”.

Cops that do nothing: Are part of the problem, so until I see the majority of law enforcement officers standing up and shutting shit down: #YesAllCops.

______

Lastly, if you don’t think there’s a problem with police killing Black people at just terrible, horrible numbers AND getting away with murder I submit to you THIS LINK (<–yeah click dat) for your perusal.

Of note – and this is still giving me nightmares – even though I was well aware of the stats, it just sunk into my psyche seeing there in black and white for all the world to see:

In 2015, FOURTEEN police departments in major cities around this country that were responsible for extrajudicial killings…..100% of their victims were Black. One Hundred Percent. That’s EVERY single person they murdered last year was a Black person.

St. Louis, Atlanta, Cleveland, Kansas City, MO, Baltimore, Washington DC, Boston, Virginia Beach….you go read the rest of the cities…

Criminal Cops.

Think about it.

________________________________________________________________

You just finished reading my first blog post since May 7th, 2015. To say that I’ve had writer’s block is a gross understatement LOL! Please click the links on this post: They Are Important. As per my awesomeness they’ll open up in a separate tab for your convenience :)

I know you’ll forgive the rambling nature of this post, my Beloved Intersect Tesseracts; and I may tighten it up later on, but I just wanted to GET IT OUT THERE because OMG I’M WRITING AGAIN!!

Tears spring to my eyes because iWrite.

iCry because Criminal Cops are killing my people.

Stop. Killing. Us.

Stop Killing Us

 

2015 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 8,100 times in 2015. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 7 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Suspicious People vs Suspicious Behavior

For a very long time now I’ve been getting damn near physically ill at the sheer numbers of Black people being murdered by police officers. I can’t even begin to write about all my feelings on that, so this post while surrounding that issue, isn’t about it directly.

It’s about what leads up to my people being put in harm’s way. And this is how that happens:

When a white person sees a Black person they tend to have some kind of emotions about it. I know, because I see visibly the reactions to myself every time I walk out my front door. I might be generalizing here, or I might be saying the majority of white people, or some white people. But whatever way makes it easier for you to continue reading, choose that.

Here’s the thing.

Just like how we are now advocating for people to stop calling other people “illegal” or “illegals” or “illegal aliens” when talking about immigration. Why? Because people are PEOPLE, they aren’t illegal. They can have unsure or undefined legal status, they can be residing in a country illegally, they can be without documentation and/or papers that say they’re a citizen of that country. But a person is a person.

Shopping or shoplifting? She’s gonna steal that pillow! Watchout!

Like how we advocate for saying “I have diabetes” instead of “I’m diabetic or a diabetic”. I have bipolar, I’m not bipolar. I’m not a disease or a disorder or an illness or any ailment. I may have that or those ailments, but I am NOT them.

When subconsciously or otherwise automatically you see someone with dark skin, or see a Black person, or a non-white person as suspicious: A Lot Of Stuff Can Then Happen.

And none of it is good.

Crowd of Criminals? The start of a jog-a-thon? OMG I JUST DON’T KNOW!

Instead you need to see people as people and not judge on skin color, race, creed, orientation and all that. But instead:

SEE WHAT PEOPLE ARE DOING. Watch their behavior. Are they behaving in a suspicious manner? What exactly IS suspicious behavior? Do we have exactly what that is written down somewhere? Cops say that reaching for or touching the waistband area is suspicious activity. I say there ‘s lots of reasons people reach for or touch their waistbands:

1. Itchy undies. Maybe your tighty whiteys or thong situation is cutting into your waistline.

2. To give your pants, underpants, panties, pantyhose, skirt etc a good hike. Or my hands are on their way to go into my pockets because its cold/getting my phone/wanna look debonair.

3. If it was the 90’s errbody had their pagers and/or cellies clipped to their belts.

4. I’m always sweeping my waistline area with my hand to keep my purse from banging in front of me while I walk and shop.

5. Hands fall naturally to around the waistline level of the body while standing and walking 0_0

Did he just reach for.. Is he holding a WEAPON?????

*****

Here’s a headline for you: Multiple Cops Held At Gunpoint by Other Cops Who Mistook Them For Criminals. Go ahead and check that article out and/or watch the video.

Now WHY or HOW could something like this happen?? Well it happens every day. It happens because some super nice well meaning white person gets on the horn to 911 and says how Black people are in a car wearing bulletproof vests.

There’s a lot to unpack here and I’m gonna unpack it ALL. I hope you have your seatbelts on!

1. Last I checked it wasn’t illegal or against the law or harmful to people around you to wear a bullet proof vest either in a car or wherever. I did a google search and turns out I can buy a bullet proof vest in a lot of places. There was only one website that had the caveat that you couldn’t purchase their vests if you had a criminal record.

2. The caller and the dispatcher and the police officers responding to the call all defaulted to Zebras or Unicorns instead of Horses. What do I mean by that? My version of Occam’s Razor; Or when you hear hoof beats, you think horses not zebras or unicorns. The caller unicorned those officers and got this whole thing started.

3. The officers in the car had no chance. it started with the caller who deemed them suspicious from the start. They couldn’t POSSIBLY have been law enforcement officers going about their business because in everyday life THE PEOPLE WHO GO AROUND WEARING BULLET PROOF VESTS ARE POLICE OFFICERS LIKE NO DUH. But the problem was they were BLACK so anything they did, wore, drove etc etc becomes suspect. And I used that word on purpose.

Some of you will tell me that you know for sure that the caller would have done the same if it was four white people wearing bullet proof vests in a car. I seriously don’t think so. Because we would be hearing about this happening all the dang time. If it was the VESTS that were suspicious….?

Did the person even stop to wonder why they were all wearing the same thing (oh yeah! gang members!) or to look closely at the car – it was a government vehicle issued to them to go about their business of serving a warrant. And you need backup for stuff like that, hence them rolling so deep. Cars like that have official stickers on the windows, and special official license plates. I mean, REALLY.

Up to no good? They must be planning something… (Actually, they’re tourists in Paris)

Racism is a pathology that renders those suffering from it to experience hyper-irrationality, loss of common sense, and the ability to think logically is completely impaired. I won’t mention the “racism goggles” that are attached invisibly to their retinas, and give a distorted view of the reality that is happening right in front of them.

I’m not trying to be funny because one of the results of this person calling 911 on my people is that these officers are traumatized, they felt humiliated and now have a deep distrust of those who they’re supposed to be working with. Needless to say they are suing and are out on workers compensation leave. Because their co-works all ganged up and pulled weapons on them. In case you think their reaction is too strong.

“All I could think of was if I sneeze, or blink, or clear my throat, that, yeah, I might have a bullet lodged in my head,” said Annette Thomas, one of the officers in the car that night.

Have you ever been stopped by cops at gunpoint? I have. See my Eff The Police post if you still don’t understand.

*****

In recent months the NYPD threw a tantrum and said they were going to stop doing police work because blah blah bah whine I dunno I forget. The minute they stopped policing crime in New York skyrocketed!!! No, actually it didn’t. The first month crime in NY fell like a rock. And kept on falling.

Now I’m still wondering what on Buddha’s Green Earth were these cops doing that they considered to be “policing” that when stopped, crime just plummets like that?

This might help. When Stop & Frisk was finally stopped in NY, the same thing happened. The police kept saying that crime would rise to an all-time high, when in fact the opposite happened.

I have some theories on both of those. NY can serve as a microcosm for what’s been going on and continues to go on in every city and town in America. What the police were doing wasn’t in fact any kind of policing. ie fighting crime, arresting criminals, getting drugs and weapons off the streets, making a safer city for everyone etc. You know, what police ALWAYS tell us they’re doing.

In fact they were focusing most of their budget, time, energy and officers on “policing” certain people and certain communities ONLY no matter what the stats for crimes on those folks or where they live said. Meanwhile in every other part of town, crime is continuing as per usual, because they all know the cops aren’t gunning for THEM.

I’ll leave you to google up the absolutely dismal stats that Stop & Frisk in NY had. Basically if a company started a project and had those stats, and that awful a return on investment – they’d shut the program down and fire buncha folks and look to find something that actually WORKS.

But S&F was to drag on in NY for over a DECADE. They were getting no guns off the street. They were stopping no drugs – unless you count the dime bags of weed people are sitting rotting away in Rikers Island were found to have on their person. It was a pogrom of violence, oppression, targeted harassment and profiling that had little to do with fighting crime.

So when they announced they were going to stop doing what they’ve been doing – what they called “police work” – it was a heads up to all those who’d been gleefully engaging in illegal shenanigans with nary a look from the police: That it was time to shut down operations and hunker down, wait this out, see what happens. Because as soon as law enforcement decides to stop focusing on Black and Brown people, they might actually have to start doing their actual jobs.

You know. Watching for suspicious BEHAVIOR and start policing EVERYONE and stop giving certain areas of the city and the people that live there a pass. Because crime happens EVERYWHERE. And if you don’t believe that, then you’re as foolish as the NYPD and every other PD that engages in that sort of “policing”.

Racism tells the police chief, the judges, the police officers that crime MOSTLY happens where Black and Brown people are. That dark skin is an indicator of suspicion. and if you crack down on those people and where they live wooo wow you’ll be cleaning up crime from the city! When statistics from recent bullshit as well as DECADES of stats shows that that just simply isn’t the case.

*****

Lastly. People. White people. Stop calling 911 like it’s your friendly neighborhood cop shop. Stop using that line that is for EMERGENCIES because you haven’t yet sorted out your issues with Black people.

I don’t think she can afford all of that. Must have stolen that merchandise. Call the cops!

Take a moment to SEE what is actually happening before you. Envision horses instead of unicorns. Why that person didn’t assume they were law enforcement and went on about their day is beyond me. STOP CALLING DOWN HARM AND DEATH UPON MY PEOPLE!

Why did that person call 911 because they were uncomfortable about a child playing in a playground? 12 year old Tamir Rice is DEAD and his family is devastated.

I need there to be consequences for making erroneous 911 calls. Because it seems to me there aren’t any laws around that. Maybe something around making a false report to the police. Is that a thing? Well I think nationwide there should be a THING. Something like this:

You call 911 and it turns out to be bullshit – ie the people or person you called the cops on was in fact NOT a criminal nor were they engaging in criminal behavior: You get fined $250.00. While that doesn’t seem like much, it’s a noticeable pinch in the wallet for the average person.

If you call 911 and it not only turns out to be bullshit – for those same reasons as above – but the person you called the cops on gets injured, beaten, shot, killed because of your call: You get fined $500.00

I’m not putting a price on a human life, because you simply cannot. What I’m trying to do is merely establish a deterrent for knee-jerk phone calls to the police. If you knew you might have to cough up some cash if you’re wrong, then you might pause and look at the situation more closely before deciding to call (or not to call).

You might say this will stop people from calling 911 when they should. I say no, it won’t. Because when a true emergency is throwing down, you’re calling 911 regardless of anything. What it will put a dent in – in this wonderful world where this would actually be a THING – is prevent people like that person who called the cops on this guy because he was walking down the street with his hands in his pockets.

The man was stopped and questioned after a “nervous” passerby called 911 to report that he was “walking with his hands in his pockets.”

What the hell is that???? It was DECEMBER in MICHIGAN. Maybe his HANDS WERE COLD. And maybe because he was Black those simple things that everyone (white) else does, becomes nervous making. Because HE was suspicious.

So anything he does after that – including walking down the street with hands in pockets – becomes problematic for the person suffering from racism. I’m sure they passed several (white) people walking with their hands in their pockets, and they didn’t even register to them. Because those aren’t SUSPICIOUS PEOPLE.

See what happens when you make people suspicious, instead of looking at their behavior? If that person had stopped themselves before calling and said something like this to themselves: “hmmm ok why am I nervous exactly? He’s just walking down the street. People put their hands in their pockets for lots of reasons. He isn’t threatening anyone, he’s just…. walking. Ok I see he doesn’t have gloves and its pretty cold right now, so maybe he’s just trying to keep his hands warm on his way home”.

MAYBE THEY WOULDN’T HAVE TO GO ON AND RUIN THAT GUYS DAY. AND IF YOU THINK I’M EXAGGERATING WHEN I SAY PHEW AT LEAST HE CAME OUT THAT ALIVE THEN YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF.

I’m sick unto DEATH of all of this. SICK.

STOP CALLING 911 ON MY PEOPLE!! Think before you press that button. LOOK at what’s ACTUALLY going on in front of you. And in between? CONFRONT your biases.

Start watching behavior instead of people.

Make yourself a list of what you would consider suspicious behaviors. Really think about it. Because the list of things that Black people engage in that have been deemed suspicious is absolutely ridiculous. From being “Pedestrian Checked” like that guy walking in the cold, being questioned, beaten, tazed, arrested to being shot and killed:

Standing, Walking, Running, Sitting at a table in a restaurant, Sitting waiting to pick up child from daycare, Eye contact, Clenched fist, Holding a screwdriver, Having a toy sword slung over your shoulder, Exercising/Jogging, Playing in a playground with at toy gun, Talking and laughing with friends, Banking/Getting money from the atm, Standing on the pavement waiting for your family, Driving, Riding a bike, Having a snowball fight with friends, Sleeping on your couch, Sleeping on a park bench, Waving a bread knife around, Walking with a purpose, Not using your turn signal, Following police officers directions, Filming the police, Exercising your constitutional rights ie Protesting, Being legally blind, Attending a pool party, Sitting quietly in class, Waiting on the roadside for a tow truck. The list goes on and on and on.

Recommended:

White Civilian Culpability in Black Assaults and Deaths.

Cops To White People: Stop Getting Freaked Out By Your Black Neighbors.

I’ve lived in the same place for over 10 years and sometimes my neighbors will get froggy and say the most outlandish things. Mistaking me for “one of the bad ones” and somehow not recognizing my car despite it being parked right next to my place since forever. So far they haven’t called the cops on me…..

__________________________________________________________

Think twice before you call 911 on my people. Me? I don’t call an emergency line because someone makes me nervous. Especially when they are in no way going to be crossing paths with myself. 

If you feel you owe it to whoever that you call in every little thing that rubs you the wrong way, then I suggest you go get therapy and save a few lives. Stop calling 911 on my people.

You might think I’m advocating letting criminals and lawbreakers have a free pass. I’m not. As I said when a true emergency throws down: you know it. You also know better than to call up 911 over your feefees.

And funny thing is NOBODY calls 911 when they see those gun enthusiasts walking around stores and malls with AK-47s strapped to their backs. 

When it’s the WHITE MALE who is 9 times out of 10 going to be the one shooting shit up with that automatic rifle. Yet you keep calling 911 cuz some Black dude has his hands in his pockets.

If you’re gonna profile: PROFILE CORRECTLY.

Why I Cried Today

Last night was surreal. I tweeted about it seconds after it happened, when I was back safely inside my home. I can’t say as I felt that my life was threatened, but I was made to feel startled, scared, upset, like I was a criminal, and totally creeped out.

Right now, I don’t feel particularly safe in my own home.

Why do I live in a world where I have to feel a sense of relief that I wasn’t shot dead, or assaulted or beaten or sexually assaulted? – Feelings that interfere with the feelings about being pretty much stalked by a police officer.

I’ll admit to the crime that put me on this individual’s radar – I’m guessing here – in the first place. The tags on my car are not up to date. I have full insurance coverage that is though, just my vehicle registration is expired.

I’ve blogged about how I never get pulled over in this red border state that is focused so much on immigration, but as I traverse the streets, I’m fully aware that I need to get my tags up to date – and should I get pulled over, I’ll know why, for the most part.

I’m too exhausted to go into details of what happened, but the gist of the matter is, I was noticed by a police officer as I was driving late at night – around 12:30 a.m. – and instead of pulling me over on the main street I was driving on when I passed his vehicle parked at an intersection, he decided to pull up my plate, get my information and lie in wait for me at my home.

I don’t know WHAT THE ENTIRE FUCK THAT IS but it doesn’t sound like normal procedure to me.

He concealed his presence to me, so that neither the security motion detector light nor my car headlights picked him up as I pulled in along side my place to do my three point turn to park my car alongside my home like I usually do.

I saw a shadowy figure out the corner of my eye as I was completing the 2nd part of my turn and I jumped, startled, slammed on my breaks, and threw my hands up in a defensive gesture to protect my face – it was pure instinct, because I was in my car with the window up, but  you dunno what your body is going to do when it’s startled within and inch of it’s life. Let’s also not mention my heart murmur and my behavioral health status that doesn’t work well with being scared to death.

So a second after this figure looms up next to my car a flashlight pops on and I’m about to start screaming, looking through my fingers – remember my hands hand gone up automatically to protect my face – and see that it’s a fucking cop.

I wasn’t thinking clearly at all, because aside from the initial scare, I had no other fears for my life at that point, which is completely weird, bc normally I’m completely sketched out worrying for my life whenever I have to deal with cops. I hit the window button and I said very clearly: OMG YOU SCARED ME TO DEATH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?? WHY DID YOU POP UP LIKE THAT?

He sort of laughed and said he was sorry and then went into cop mode, asking me to put the brake on my car and do that thing where they look into the back seat of your car with the flashlight, like I’m transporting bricks of heroin or bags of cocaine or WHATever.

He then goes around to the back of my car shining his lil flashlight all business-like and then comes back to the window and mentions my expired tags. I say yes I’m aware of that, and I’m working on it. He then makes it clear by the things he says next that he’s the cop that I drove past like 10 mins ago. I said yes, I noticed his vehicle, and complimented him on the fancy paint job. It was an SUV type dealy with POLICE painted all big on the side with swooshing whorls of color around it.

He’s rolling in a pimped out vehicle – not a regular squad car – but I’m the super criminal here. So much so that he chose not to pull me over on brightly lit main street, but pull up my address and hide out and wait for me to come home.

I’M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW THAT MAKES ANY FUCKING SENSE.

He then inferred that when I’d noticed his vehicle, I took off – peeled away – and zoomed past him all SUSPICIOUS LIKE. I said: I’m a forty-six year old woman, I drive a family sedan, I really don’t think I’m going to go around peeling away in general, and certainly not when I see a police car. I said to him that his car could have been that one – and I pointed to my neighbor’s SUV, it wouldn’t matter, I wouldn’t change my driving habits. I don’t peel out, sorry dude, you got the wrong person.

He then kept insisting that’s what he saw me do. I then said, ok then why didn’t you pull me over? Did I surpass the speed limit on _____ Avenue? And if so, again, why didn’t you pull me over then and there – WHY ARE YOU HERE AT MY HOUSE?? He indicated that I had not broken the speed limit, he started stuttering a bit, because he began to realize – it took him awhile, but it finally dawned on him – that I was not the one to fuck with. I’d been nursing one of my migraines all dang night, and that’s why I was up past midnight driving to get some stuff at the convenience store.

None of his damn business, but I told him that’s what I was doing and if he wanted to pull me over for tags he shoulda done it. I said it’s not a good look for you to popping up all at my house, I’m a single woman, living alone, I had no idea who or what you were and YOU STARTLED ME AND SCARED ME TO DEATH.

He mumbled something about making sure I got my tags up to date and then left.

*****

EDIT: I’m putting couple of my series of tweets RICHEA so I have a cotdang time stamp. (and also to show exactly how this incident made me feel directly after it happened) I started tweeting about it 5-10 mins after cop left & my hands stopped shaking enough to type on my computer. I figure this whole thing happened – if you count my driving time as well as the conversation at my home – around 12:10 a.m. – 12:45 a.m.

A flashlight pops on and oh its a cop. Same one who didn’t pull me over but thot it was a grt idea to show up at my crib bc umm why??+

— Awake Black Woman (@AwakeBlackWoman) January 20, 2015

 

Fuck you, you creeper ass sick cop. Fuck you. Profiling, stalking me WTF. I hope you fall down.

— Awake Black Woman (@AwakeBlackWoman) January 20, 2015

*****

So I call the precinct earlier today around 1pm – around 12hrs after the incident. I knew I’d be speaking to a cop, so I kept that in mind. I think I wanted to file a complaint, or I wanted someone to tell me that lying in wait at someone’s house in lieu of a traffic stop was standard procedure. I wasn’t sure what I wanted, really. I was still shook. Still upset. Still wondering WTF.

The conversation was interesting. And by interesting I mean completely strange and weird and utterly filled with neck-high stacks of manure. I think he found out my info or pulled up the incident, while speaking to me, because the first half of the conversation was very different from the second half. He was a bit brusque and all that – I expected that, from me having to call precincts often during my years in LA – but he was polite, and he was helpful. Up until he got the info that I was a Black person. I’m just guessing, but it was like night and day.

Remember, I “sound white” on the phone. He went from being informative – he even gave me a brief explanation (that I thought was utter bullshit btw) from “the cop’s point of view” on why Officer StalkaSista was behaving the way he did, and he listened to my account of things. But suddenly he was ultra defensive, and started saying things like, “well if you are going to infer wrong-doing on that officer’s actions, I’m going to end this conversation” and then offering me the phone number to Internal Affairs if I wanted to “complain about the incident”.

When all I’d ever said up to that point was express my confusion on why the officer was at my home, why he didn’t identify himself, why he concealed himself from my view, so much so that I was heavily startled when he showed himself. And why didn’t he pull me over if I’d done all those law-breaky things he said I did.

There is the edge of my neighbor’s place and two cars parked that he could have hid behind, and I looked out there today in the bright sunlight, and there was no way I would have missed seeing him unless he’d hidden himself.

So I was basically told by the officer on the phone that:

1. I was driving the wrong car. Did you know that family sedans are the criminal’s choice of vehicles? Because they blend in and don’t look conspicuous. Horseshit! You and I both know if I’d been driving a tricked out sports car with a rear spoiler and spinners, he’d have said the exact same thing only opposite. Flashy car = criminal.

2. I’m the awful person who did all that SUSPICIOUS BEHAVIOR that prompted Officer McCreepy to go all stalker on me. Victim blaming 101. When I said ok me driving my car is suspicious? Because that’s all I was doing – the cop on the phone for the 2nd time said ok this conversation is over, I’m not going to speak to you any more – his voice all raised and upset sounding. I literally took the phone off my ear and stared at it like WTF did I say?

3. Officers sometimes opt NOT to pull people over because (garbled weird sounding reason that flew out of my brain 2 seconds after I heard it – in other words more bullshit) and that’s why he was at your home. I’m sorry, but I see no reason why pinning someone at their residence is (safer?) or (more efficient) or (WHAT THE FUCK EVER) than doing a normal traffic stop.

Intimidation tactics pure and simple. All this over some expired tags. Which he never actually ended up giving me a ticket for. Just a mumbled verbal warning as he walked away. And I’ll tell you what. The only way this makes sense in any way, is that he saw I was a Black person behind the wheel, and therefore he had to go stake out my home and see if they could find ANYTHING on me.

Listen. I know what info comes up when you pull someone’s plate on the police vehicle computer system. You get my name. My date of birth. My address. ALL the info on my car and driver’s license including any wants, warrants, parking tickets, criminal record – alladat.

I have none of that THOUGH. Not even parking tickets. He let me coast on by without a pullover because well the only thing wrong with my picture was expired tags, and this guy seemed like he was itching for something more dramatic. He should have pulled me over, written a ticket, or gave that verbal warning or whatever, and let me go on my merry way.

But I had that SUSPICIOUS BLACK SKIN so I must be up to SOMETHING so let me go TO HER HOME and ROOT AROUND THERE and LIE IN WAIT and PUSH HER AND BLAME HER FOR SPEEDING WHEN SHE DID NO SUCH THING

Because why?

You tell me.

I wasn’t even tempted to call Internal Affairs – which seemed a really weird overkill thing to do when I just wanted to file a complaint – because this CRAY CREEP COP knows where I live. Both officers – the creep one and the one on the phone – behaved in such completely strange and weird ways, that I am for sure not going to put more of a target on me – retaliation is the word that comes to mind.

HE KNOWS WHERE I LIVE.

And after I finished that call – on my cell phone – that happens to have no camera or vid or internet btw – 10 seconds later my land line phone rings. Did I pick it up? HELL NO I DID NOT. Whoever was calling opted to not leave a message when the machine picked up.

I don’t feel safe in my home.

Thanks a fucking lot.

Fuck The Police.

___________________________________________________________

Lucky me I had a head shrinker appointment already scheduled today. So I went after that strange phone call to the precinct. I got to talk it out a bit, and I feel a tiny bit better.

I cried. A lot. I hate crying.

But. I’m still not feeling all that secure in my home.

I just don’t know.